This has been a question that has plagued me ever since I
found out I was pregnant.
I don’t consider myself to be on of the most ‘touchy feely’
people around, I don't do false praise, and for some reason when I pay somebody a
genuine compliment, I think it sounds fake and forced (that last one may just be my paranoia though).
I worry if this makes me come across as being ‘cold’ or
‘unfeeling’, this despite surprise reactions from those close to me and reassurances
that it doesn’t.
But still, I can’t help but worry. I think what also concerns me, is that I
haven’t spent a lot of time around children.
My brother is very close in age to me, my younger cousins are a minimum
of 10 years younger but I didn’t really see much of them growing up, and I’ve
babysat all of twice…neither experience particularly pleasant.
When out and about, I see mums that are overly stressed out,
others that are very affectionate but possibly a bit overbearing and some that
are so laid back you actually wonder whether they care about their kids at all?
I want to be a good mum, a caring mum, a fun mum. But I want
to be a conscientious mum, one that does this right thing when it isn’t the
easiest or most popular option. I don’t
want to be stressed out all the time; I don’t want to be one of those that lose
their tempers over the slightest thing.
I just can’t help but think this isn’t going to come easy to me.
I wonder how many first time parents make grand plans during
pregnancy about how their child will be raised, fed, educated, disciplined and
actually stick to their plans...?
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