A little history…
OK, I have spent the best part of my life as a little
chubby…to overweight…to very overweight…to morbidly obese. There are no excuses
here, and it’s nobody else's fault but my own.
In June 2012, with my weight at an all-time high of 17st
10lbs, I went to my doctor with upper abdominal pain. I had lost my appetite, mainly due to the
fact that every time I ate, my abdominal pain would disappear for about an hour
but then come back with a vengeance. I
was also having chronic acid reflux with anything that I did actually eat or
drink.
After a few questions and examination, I was given a blood
test and a referral for an ultrasound, with the news that my abdomen was
inflamed. A couple of weeks later, I
went back to the doctor for my results. I had expected to be told that I
gallstones. What I was told was that my
liver was fatty and very enlarged, my liver function results weren’t good and
my cholesterol was high. Despite not
being much of a drinker over the past couple of years (wasn’t really a choice,
but more than one bottle of lager would cause me to have extreme acid reflux),
I was close to developing cirrhosis of the liver.
I put myself on a low fat, low cal diet and started to lose
weight. The physical look improvement
was instantly noticeable; my abdomen was no longer as inflamed. About a month
later, despite a weight loss of 15lbs, my abdomen became very painful and I was
sent for another liver function test.
Somehow my ALT level had gotten doubly worse and my cholesterol had
increased.
I was taken off of the painkillers I had been prescribed,
also taken off of the pill and referred to a Gastroenterologist. Given NHS
referral waiting times, there was quite a delay between referral and
appointment, so I continued my low fat, low cal diet and by the time I had been
given a date for an endoscopy I had lost over 4 stone and my LF tests were
returning to normal.
Whilst being prepped for my endoscopy, I was asked by the
nurse if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I shrugged and said “I suppose there is a
chance”. My period was actually due the
date of the procedure. I was usually
early but put its non-arrival down to my anxiety over being sedated for the
procedure. As a result of the endoscopy,
I discovered that I have a Hiatus Hernia in addition to the liver problem.
With everything that was going on, I completely forgot about
my period. About a month later and
5-stone off, I discovered I was pregnant…
The weight issue...
So prior to pregnancy, my body was already a mess. Despite my
weight loss, superficially the damage has been done and can’t be repaired…I
accept that. I was however starting to
gain a bit of confidence, enjoying being able to shop in regular shops instead
of the plus size ones.
Because of my liver and hernia, I have had to watch my diet
and weight gain during the pregnancy. At
my midwife appointment two weeks ago I was told I had gained about 16-18lbs,
which, for my pre-pregnancy weight, is about where I needed to be. I was very pleased with that.
I know this isn’t something I should be thinking about so
close to this life-changing event occurring, but I am very concerned about whether
the superficial ‘damage’ is now so much worse.
I was, for the first time in my life, starting to feel more
comfortable in my own skin. I was no
longer feeling like I was always the ugliest, fattest, dowdiest girl in the
room. I want to restart my weight loss
regime as soon as it’s practical and safe to do so, because despite 5-stone
coming off prior to pregnancy, there was still a long way to go for me.
I want to be healthy for my son, to have the energy needed to
keep up with him, and I don’t want to be the fat mum that embarrasses her son
in front of his friends; I want to be a yummy mummy. I was never a yummy non-mummy.
I have a little while to worry about that I know, but this is
how my mind works. And it just goes to
show, I was obviously not gaining as much confidence as I thought…
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